Sry I called you an 8
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
