I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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