I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
