I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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