The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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