I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
