New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
