so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
