you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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