there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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