Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
