how can u be prego again
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
