So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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