I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Randomize
