we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
