There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
