Got a toothbrush?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
