I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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