You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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