Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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