Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
