its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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