I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
