She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
