I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
