Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
