You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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