I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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