can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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