maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
