you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
