1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
