He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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