Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
