I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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