The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
