if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
