I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
