Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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