My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
