its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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