Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
