I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
