I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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