boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
