Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
