man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
