just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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