just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
