there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
