my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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