I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
