he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
