The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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