i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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