life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize