life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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