Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize