DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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