I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize