Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
