White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
