Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
