I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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