I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth