Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.