i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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