this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
