My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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