i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sext me about skeletons
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
