Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
