I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
