dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
