you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
