addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
