oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
