Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize