I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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