I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
